How I Annoy My Husband: Computers and TV at our House

Paul works from home doing computer software stuff for several companies. Although he’s tried to explain what he does, I still don’t understand it.  He tries to dumb down some of it and that helps. A bit. 

He’ll say something like, “You know when the schools adopt a new reading program because what’s newer seems better?  You used to complain about it being a waste of money. I’m going through something similar at my job.”

I can understand that, but what he actually does while sitting in front of the computer for hours on end is a complete mystery to me.  He doesn’t even attempt to explain that.

Paul works in his study which unfortunately for him, is about ten feet away from my study.  I’ll typically be on the computer writing essays about how I annoy him or researching important things like “Do crows fly south for the winter?” or “What is one hundred and forty divided by five?” when something weird, mysterious, and unexplainable will happen to my computer.  It’ll get really slow, or several windows will open at once, or a key will get stuck, or I won’t be able to open a file, or I won’t be able to find a file, or I’ll delete a file by accident. You get the picture.

In my unusually loud voice I’ll shout, “Sweetie!  Can you please help me?  Something’s happened to my computer!” I remain sitting at the desk to make sure whatever happened doesn’t stop happening.  I can yell pretty well if I do say so myself.  Since I grew up in New York City, I learned how to successfully hail a taxi above the din of traffic.  You can’t just raise your hand. You have to bellow, “TAXI!”  As a retired teacher I also know how to roar “Hey, listen up!” over the noise of 20 kindergarteners.  It’s a lethal ability.

After I scream for help, Paul will usually come running into the room to see what mess I’ve created.  He’s such a helpful guy.  Or he’s just anxious for the yelling to stop.

If he doesn’t come to my aid, I’ll shout again.  All of a sudden I’ll realize he may be on a conference call.  Oops, I’ll think to myself.  I’ll sheepishly walk into his study to find him staring at the screen and listening intently with his headphones on. When he turns towards me I’ll make a face that’s meant to say, I’m sorry! while putting a finger to my lips to signify be quiet.  I guess I’ll be saying it to myself.  I’m really not sure why I’m saying it to him.

Paul will make a stern expression while continuing to listen to his phone call.  He tells me repeatedly to check if he has his on his headphones before I shout for him, but sometimes (often) I forget. 

If he’s available, my husband will quickly solve the problem so he can get back to work.  I attempt to watch him fix whatever he’s just fixed, but he does it so fast I can’t follow him. 

“If you fix a wife’s computer, it’ll be fixed for a day.  If you teach her how to fix her computer, she’ll be able to fix it herself for a lifetime.”  I’ve never actually said that to him, but one day I will.

Believe it or not, thanks to Paul, I have actually learned a few things on the computer. I can use a video conferencing app. fairly well and host two different weekly meetings.  I know, I’m impressed with myself too.  I was motivated to learn them by the lack of my usual social activities due to the pandemic.  If I didn’t use the app, I couldn’t see my writing group or other old friends. I also began facilitating a social group for seniors. Of course, using this program isn’t rocket science, but I like to think it is. 

Another reason for my shouting is that I’ve had some hearing loss after teaching for many years.  When I watch TV, I typically “turn on the words” which is my technical lingo for using captions. I also turn the volume so loud the TV can be heard across town or at least down the block.  When I finally got around to watching “The Crown,” which is a great series by the way, Paul could easily hear the show while he worked so he closed his door.  I guess he was tired of hearing, “Your Majesty…”

          The bad part about his shut door is that when I’m confused while trying to use the four different remotes to switch from Netflix to TV (and vice-versa,) and shout for him to help, he can’t hear me.  I have to get up from my comfortable position sprawled on the couch and walk to his study only to find the door closed.  I guess he must be working, I’ll think to myself.

I also talk loudly on the phone while cleaning the house or cooking. I use ear buds so I can use both hands for my chores.  Of course Paul will close his door during those times.  I never hear him slam his door, but I wouldn’t blame him if he did.

Maybe Paul likes my company and thinks it’s worth the interruptions.  I always make his complicated salad for lunch and that’s no small chore.  He likes greens covered in cut up carrots, red peppers, sliced turkey, avocado, celery, a hard-boiled egg, and pinto beans.  Very healthy, but I don’t like cutting peppers.  The little seeds are annoying and get all over the counter.  Anyway, I need to do extra to make sure Paul is patient with my lack of technical abilities and my shouting, RIGHT?