How I Annoy My Husband: Hearing and Seeing at Our House
 
    As previously described, I have some hearing loss following years of teaching kindergarteners.  I don’t like to admit that and it annoys Paul.

    For example, I “turn on the words,” my lingo for using the captions, while watching TV because I missed dialog. I tell Paul, “They talk too fast” since I don’t like to admit I can’t hear well. Usually Paul is one step ahead of me and leaves the captions on or turns them on if they’re off.  

    Even with captions, I miss dialog so with a heavy sigh Paul rewinds the show. Luckily we use a device or service called a DVR. I think that’s what it’s called anyway. But sometimes I miss some speech because I daydream a bit or the show makes me wonder about something else more important like how much do elephants weigh? while we watch a nature show.

    Several times I have almost whispered, “Paul please turn on the words” while watching a movie in the theater. I’ve thought it in my mind anyway.  I also found myself searching for my seatbelt in theaters too, but that’s for a future installment. 

    I think hearing loss can provide some entertainment.  The words I think people say are usually more humorous than what they actually say and often rhyme. Maybe that’s because I used to write poetry.

    For example, when a friend said, “My law firm did divorces,” I heard “My law firm did the horses.” I almost said, “Oh, it’s terrible they were gambling!”

     “I can’t hear you!” I shout at Paul he tells me something from another room in our small house. I can’t imagine how difficult our life would be if we lived in a mansion.  That’s why I don’t ever want one, plus there are a lot of rooms to clean and I tend to accumulate stuff to fit my space, I’ve noticed.

          I’m proud when I can hear all kinds of useless things like roosters crowing while we take our long walks. But I miss important things.

    “You have a text,” Paul tells me when I miss the musical chime on the cell phone. The phone was buried in my purse so of course I couldn’t hear it.

    My vision is a problem too. I have glasses for distance, but at my last appointment the eye doctor said I only need them for driving. I’ve begun to notice I can’t see rabbits, roadrunners, birds, or lizards well on our walks. 

    “Look at the rabbit!” Paul says while pointing in the direction of the cute critter.

    “Where?” 

    “Near the big tree over there.” 

    “What tree?”

     “The one to the left of that blue house”

     “What house?” 

    Paul sighs loudly.

    I also trip on branches and small logs on our nature walks because I can’t see them.  I fly forward, but am usually able to catch myself before I fall.  Very graceful I know.  I think that’s why Paul has nicknamed me “Grace.”

    While on our walk, I often say something like “Oh my goodness!” because I think I see a dead bird or rabbit on the road ahead of us.  As we near the object, I’m relieved to see it’s just a brown rag or branch. Paul sighs and probably rolls his eyes, but I can’t see them.
     I think it’s about time for me to see that doc again.
          

    When wearing glasses, I enjoy seeing individual leaves on trees besides the cute wildlife I’m missing. I am also more sure-footed and see fewer dead animals.

    Sometimes I wonder why I am resistant to wearing my glasses or getting hearing aids. Am I afraid of appearing old? I don’t think so. Glasses require you to remember to wear them and I forget. They take a little while to get used to, and I’m lazy. I don’t think the frames are very attractive. I guess I need new frames. I also like to be au natural.  Not that I go naked outside or anything.

     Hearing aids seem complicated, need maintenance and are expensive. I’m not very good at any sort of mechanical device, I tend to drop things and lose things, and I’m cheap.  But one day Paul will insist I wear my glasses and/or hearing aids and I’ll feel more motivated.  I guess I need to make sure he doesn’t read this.